Lie To Me
by strawberrymacchiato
Summary: Rachel's finally got Quinn where she wants her-tied to a chair in her bedroom with no chance of escape. And now that she's discovered Quinn's nose grows a little each time she tells a lie, will she also discover the identity of Quinn's secret crush? Pinnochio!Quinn. Crack!Fic. One-shot.


"Do you swear you've never fantasised about making out in the rain with Finn spiderman style?"

Quinn blushed, but shook her head no. Her nose didn't even flinch.

"Hmm, I could've sworn I was right about that one. Oh well." Rachel mused, running her fingers through her hair absentmindedly. She'd find out who Quinn had a crush on one way or another.

"Alright Fabray, what about Puckerman?" _God _it felt good to call her that! Finally the HBIC getting a taste of her _own_ medicine! "All the other girls think he's hot enough to audition for America's next top model," she continued, "so...any errant thoughts about you and my fellow Jewbro splayed out across the football field, gasping unabashedly on the muddy grass?"

Quinn's face had turned a deep shade of scarlet, and small droplets of sweat were a-trickle down the side of her neck. Got her!

But still, she shook her head resolutely. And her nose? Not a single quiver! Completely motionless! Rachel huffed furiously.

She hadn't made any progress at all, and was seriously beginning to doubt her chances of getting Quinn to make any sort of admission.

But _dammit, _she had worked so _hard _to devise a plot to trick her into coming to her house, binding her arms and legs with rope, and then blindfolding her and covering her mouth with duct tape. Even _she_ was surprised when Quinn agreed to having a 'nice and rejuvenating facial, Rachel Berry style'. Nevertheless, she had come this far, and she wasn't surrendering without a fight.

"Okay then...Mike? He's got rock hard abs and well, he's totally got the moves like Jagger going on."

Quinn shook her head, and Rachel continued with the barrage of questions, becoming dejected a little more each time Quinn shot her down.

She had listed every single guy in the school for crying out loud! Even Mr. Schue, regardless of how wrong that was.

Could it be that she was mistaken? Was Quinn actually telling her the truth?

But then it hit her.

"Quinn..." she said in a low voice, "Do you have a crush on a..._girl?_"

She heard a loud gulp that wasn't her own. Quinn trembled slightly before moving her face from side to side.

And her nose grew, just a smidgeon.

"WHAT!?"

Rachel hissed, a little too excitedly even for her standards. She removed the blindfold and duct-tape from Quinn, who was looking pretty panicked by this point.

"Berry, untie my hands and legs and let me go _now. _I'm warning you. If you don't, I'll give you a free 365 day pass to Slushyville."

But Rachel was _far _too intrigued to be perturbed by such a _weak_ admonition!

"Quinn, have you ever experienced the desire to smooch said girl in the locker room?"

"Listen, Inspector Gadget, I told you once and I'll say it again, I do _not _have a crush on a girl!"

There went that nose, lengthening by at least 2cm.

"Dammit!"

Quinn growled, hiding her nose with her fingers.

Rachel, emboldened by the evidence unfolding before her, edged towards a now very frustrated Quinn, and whispered softly into her ear.

"Have you ever wanted to _make out _with said girl against...the _saxophone?_" Goodness, Rachel thought, as the words flew freely from her mouth. Even _she _hadn't intended to come up with a scenario _that _kinky!

"NO!"

Well, she was putting Pinnochio to shame! Rachel smiled, tremendously satisfied. It was time to take the plunge.

"Is it Brittany?"

"No."

"Santana then?"

"No!"

"Hmm, how about Tina!?"

"How about I _kill _you?"

"M-Mercedes?"

"Decaptitation?"

"Ok um, Lauren?"

"GOD! I _swear_ man-hands if you don't stop with these pointless questions I'm gonna-"

"Coach Sylvester?"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU _ON?_"

"Sorry, just covering all bases!"

Quinn squirmed in the seat, trying in vain to wriggle out from the tight ropes that bound her down. Rachel was desperate. She could taste it. The sweet taste of success that she always craved when it came to winning sectionals, nationals, or anything for that matter. She was a winner and if Quinn thought she was going to quit because of a couple of mild death threats, she was _sorely_ mistaken.

But she had listed all the girls in glee! Who else could there b-

No.

No _way._

"Ah, er, Q-Quinn, you don't um...you wouldn't possibly ah..."

Quinn's face had grown hot and sweaty and her eyes were darting around the room at 200 km an hour.

"Is it..._me_?"

Rachel froze when she heard Quinn whisper "No" in the quietest of whispers, and then, watched her nose visibly inch forward.

Oh _God_! Why had she not seen it! Those nonsensical insults? The heated gazes she mistook for hatred? The-Rachel gulped-_pornographic pictures _of her on the bathroom walls?

"B-Berry, just get me out of these ropes, ok? Lemme go and we'll pretend this whole thing never happened."

Nodding silently, Rachel stepped forward and began unfastening the tight coils without thinking.

Her fingers accidentally brushed against Quinn's hot skin and this time, she heard her _own _gulp.

She ignored it when Quinn trembled at her touch, and was almost finished untying her when Quinn's hands gripped her wrists. _Tight._

_"_You didn't think I was serious, did you?"

Rachel swallowed loudly and failed to tear her gaze away from Quinn's shining hazel eyes.

"Serious?" Rachel said nervously, "A-About what?"

Quinn flashed her a naughty grin that sent shivers up her spine.

"Did you honestly think I was going to let you get away with this?"

"I-"

But whatever speech Rachel had ready was forever silenced, because Quinn's lips came crashing down against hers and her head went blank. She felt Quinn's arms drag up the sides of her body and hoop around her back, pulling her closer, and when Quinn tilted her head sideways and slid her tongue across her lip, _and _successfully avoided injuring her with her..._beak? _She was pretty sure she had died.

Rachel pushed away, totally out of breath and just as sweaty as Quinn was.

"Quinn?"

"Mm, manhands?"

Rachel licked her lips, and felt her mouth form a smile, quite against her will.

"Let's do that again. But this time, don't lie to me."


End file.
